by Elliot Lyons
I’m not a perfectionist, but I am a person of extremes.
Lately, I’ve been so busy, in a good way, that I haven’t been taking good care of myself.
I don’t eat as much, and I either don’t leave the house or the only movement I get is commuting to another place to sit.
And I really don’t have a problem with this.
This always happens when I’m into something; I allow myself to get completely pulled in. It’s all I do and there’s nothing else, everything that isn’t essential to that thing fades into the background.
When I feel fulfilled in one sense it’s always at the expense of things that are equally essential to live a physically and mentally healthy life. Taking that time out for yoga, to go cycling, or just chill out seems like time lost where I could be working.
I throw myself thoroughly into things because it’s how I download everything in my head into reality, where it can become useful to people other than myself. It’s the process of how I discover so I can create.
What this also means is that when I settle down, I break down, and when I chill, I don’t leave the couch.
Why do I do it?
I think it’s the need to find what lies at core of something. It’s finding out what it feels like to be in something else, to wear a different hat and look at the world from a different perspective.
Despite the change of perspective, the way I go about achieving this takes control of my time to the point where I neglect my health.
When searching for answers to how I can achieve more balance, the thing that sticks out is going back to what I already know: planning. When I’m busy, having a plan could be useful for me to snap myself out of wherever I’m letting myself be pulled into through the setting of boundaries.
And I don’t like setting boundaries with my time like this because it makes me, ironically, feel less free. Boundaries.
Boundaries are my problem, because I am a person of extremes.