On denial


by Elliot Lyons

There are things in life we don’t believe but know are true.

This is called denial, and it’s one of the easiest ways to mess up our growth.

So, why don’t we admit what we know is there?

I think it’s because of another thing: responsibility. Admitting that something is an issue gives us pause because in that moment we know that we have to act; there’s work to be done because something in us and/or in our environment is not enough. 

Filling the hole that is what our lives lack is scary because what often sits on the other side of denial is something we badly desire. Admitting that we want something this deeply has the power to potentially uproot our lives, turning everything on its head.

This is where we dare to utter those words, “I don’t want to be with my partner” after seven years of marriage, this is where we finally are able to say we’re homosexual.

Just because we admit these things, though, doesn’t mean we have to or should leave our partner or come out to our families, particularly if these actions could put our safety or ability to maintain ourselves at risk. But what matters is that we’ve opened ourselves up to a new self and we can begin dealing with how to navigate it—letting ourselves know that what we want is not our fault.

Learning how to go through our lives and figuring out what we truly want is a lifelong process, and if we’re going to take responsibility for our lives we must admit that where we want to go does not have to be defined by where we are.

So, as you head in to a new work week, take some time out and allow yourself to quiet all the noise in your life so that you can hear what lies under it.

When you listen, you may just be able to begin getting used to the idea that what you really want is to be a chef, or that you really need to speak to a distanced family member.

But whatever that thing for you may be, go into Monday knowing you’re making a step in the right direction.

 

 

 

 

 

 


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